do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
