he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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