you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Pooping to opera.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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