so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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