when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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