I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
