addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
