My room smells like vodka and shame
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
