I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
