the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
