Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
