we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
