Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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