I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
