she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
