Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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