that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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