mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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