I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
