I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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