i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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