Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
