Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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