woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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