just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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