I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
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I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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