i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
