if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
