I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
