ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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