my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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