you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
