Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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