I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
