hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize