you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
