maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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