I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
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My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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