So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
