Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
