I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
