She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
