They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
