She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
