I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
