Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize