I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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