my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize