Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Your penis caused this!
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