I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
