I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
