i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
