help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
