I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
