THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
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the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize