We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
