So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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