you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Holy shit dude........stairs
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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