not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
