these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
