Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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