alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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