did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
