im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
