this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
