Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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