I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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