Having a random hookup so left but love u
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
