My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
