Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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