If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
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I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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