I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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