I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
