you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
