"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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