I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
