I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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